- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
- Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back snacks.
- Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
- Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
- Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush is never a hand-me-down item.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
- Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work.
- A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
Dining out
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.
Entertaining in your home
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.
Dating (outside of the family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Theatre Etiquette
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Wedding Etiquette
- Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
- A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent
Etiquette for all occasions
- When going to an interview, never ask if they press charges.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
- The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
- Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
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