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Capitol Girls
Gender-Gifted Belles of the South
Reflecting:
 Who
I am: How I got here
While growing up in Pennsylvania, I always loved to dress in feminine articles of clothing. (Dressing has always
been a big part of my life!) Does that make me a "Sweet Transvestite from Pennsylvania?" My apologizes
to the folks at The Rocky Horror Picture Show, But I just couldn't resist the pun!!!
I guess I was really "lucky" (?) that my mother punished my bad behavior by putting me in dresses.
Sorry Spock (not the Vulcan), punishment was a very rewarding part of my life! And I'm quite sure contributed greatly
to my sometimes submissive nature
I dressed off-and-on for the next 20-25 years and, like most of us, I hid it from the military, my wife and
my kids. Why hide it? I was the typical jock and Big Man on Campus. I had an image to uphold. Little did people
know that the images that danced in my head were of me in the cheerleader costume rather than in the basketball
uniforms. While in the military, I yearned to wear the skirts and blouses instead of fatigues.
Purging became an almost yearly ritual for me. By purging, I mean getting rid of my wardrobe ... not today's
version of purging where you are trying to keep your weight down.
When you consider that the average "dresser" spends $3-5,000 a year on clothes alone, I have really
contributed greatly to Salvation Army Thrift Stores, Goodwill Industries, consignment shops and many a cross-dressing
trash collector.
I fought these inner battles for much longer than I ever care to admit. Fortunately there came a time I accepted
myself for who or what I was really was. And I was finally at peace with myself.
My wife tired of my so-called "little indiscretions." She filed separation papers, citing me as "the
other woman" in her life. I'm glad this happened when it did. A little later she might even have accused me
of "killing" her husband as well.
I moved from central to upstate South Carolina. Being employment-challenged at the time, I got a chance to dress
when I wanted and be who I wanted ... for however long I wanted. This life-event helped me accept myself ...fully
and finally ....for who/what I am!
I am slowly rebuilding my wardrobe .... again!!! My move put me in contact with a few sisters in the area who
have introduced me to a support group. And I have met a lady who accepts me as a person ... not a freak. I love
her dearly ... but not just for allowing me to be free. She is a wonderful woman through-and-through. She has supported
me in my being-myself, nursed me through a triple-bypass and continued unemployment. And we now share in the success
my now job has brought us. Who could possibly ask for more? We respect each other, our desires, wishes, fears and
joys. In short, life is great for Dawn.
I do take great care in how I look. To be honest when you're 50+, you're 50+. I had a great wardrobe until my
ex-wife purged all my clothes, makeup, jewelry and shoes. I'm slowly but surely restocking. But now I'm limited
to WalMart and Kmart shopping and a few second-hand stores and Salvation Army Thrift Stores. What goes around,
comes around, I guess. I sometimes wonder how much of this stuff I previously owned.
Whoever thought of Daylight Saving Time sure didn't consult with some of us. It seems like just last month when
I had no qualms about stepping out of the house, heels clicking on the walk and gracefully (most of the time) sliding
into my car to venture out. Sigh! Our new home has way too many steps to sneak from the door to the car. I do so
love the night.
I look forward to the challenges. We look forward to becomming active members if the Transgender community --
socially, as well as supportively.
 Dawn is getting an
attitude.
Another thing my wonderful wife has taught me is that you have to appear self-confident,
always. Reminds me of a George Carlin motto: Never sweat the petty and never pet the sweaty.
Here I am -- a person who's life's work is public relations learining about perceptions
from my wife. I never claimed to be the smart lady in the house. Think I fall behind wife, cat and dog in the smarts
dept.
I read somewhere in a T-related article that attitude is everything.
I guess that means if you go through all the trouble to get dressed, do your makeup, don
a wig, slip into heels ..you must love what you are doing.
My wife calls in my going into Dawn-mode, others call it "girl-mode."
She says that to be Dawn I have to feel like Dawn. At least if I have the Dawn attitude
I won't amble around, shoulders slooped, head down.
Like many of us, I have this fear (an justified one too) of simply being read as a "guy
in drag." My therapist (yes I saw one for a bit) told me I needed to condition myself (mentally) to feel that
being Dawn (outwardly) is something I do every day (I wish!!!).
Believe me, that's a lot easier said than done at my age. Her advice was to not worry about any looks I get and
to say to myself, "I look great and I'm getting the attention a girl should get for looking so good."
Ya know something ... it does work! We work harder to look presentable, passable, whatever than a lot of women
we know. And we do look as good, if not better than some. Good enough for me!
Anyway, she said, if you display your positive "girl-mode" attitude ... even if
you are read most people will leave you alone.
After taking stock of my age and physical condition, here I am today, more then 40 years
after I KNEW I couldn't change who I am, I've finally
been able to be more open about myself.
My wife has known about my desires since our third date. She enjoyed it sexually as well
and soon realized this was not going away -- it was a vital part of me. And she makes no issue of how I dress at
home, knowing that many times Dawn is the relaxed part of my existence.
Over the past 7 years,we had no problem keeping it to ourselves. Occasionally, with her
support, there are a few times I venture out. I alre ady learned my lesson about pushing our envelope by letting the moment almost spoil a wonderful relationship.
Sometimes I tried to be who I thought I should be rather than who I am.
While in the hospital, I had to examine why this lifestyle stills pleases me more rather
then excites me. I find my feelings to be less sexual and just more comfortable.
There have been so many little changes I never really saw until I stepped back and looked
at my life. My wife said she sees that her "T"-Girl is now growing older gracefully. I don't know why
I wrote this other than as some sort of self therapy and acceptance of the aging process. Any other mature sisters
go through a time like this?
Hopefully, through your visit here, you will gain a better understanding of the "Transgendered World."
I hope to introduce you to theories, support groups, transgendered friends, etc.
Articles and information will be borrowed from those in the know and various resources...with due credit given
(hopefully, they'll be happy to see it on the internet).
Because I am a "Carolina Girl" and a transplanted "Capitol Girl." I hope to be able
to include places that support Southern Belles from the Southeast. Hopefully, it will include places to get support,
medical info, TG-friendly places to shop, makeover specialists and "accepting" places to socialize. Now,
of course, I need to build my "Capitol Girls" resource page. Any help will be appreciated.
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