Dawn's Southern Belle Application

(*warning: this is presented for your enjoyment. No offense meant to anyone*) Name:__________________________ Nickname:________________________________ CB Handle:_____________________ Address (RFD No.):_________________--____________________________________ Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):_____________________________________ Mamma:_________________________ Neck Shade (check one): Light Red____ Medium Red _____ Dark Red____ Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____ Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________ Truck equipped with: ____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag ____Cassette Deck ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks ____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas ____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns ____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires ____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Spotlight Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____ BUMPER STICKERS: ____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too ____Honk if you love Jesus ____Redman Chewing Tobacco ____If you ain't a cowboy you aint shit Define the following (must be 90% correct): 1. Grits 2. Goobers 3. Pinto Beans 4. Collards 5. Sidemeat 6. Sawmill Gravy 7. Turnip Salad 8. Shit-on-a-Shingle 9. Redeye Gravy 10. Soppin' Syrup Favorite Vocalist: ____Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn ____Hank Williams ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard ____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner ____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie Favorite Recreation: ____Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin' ____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin' ____4-Wheelin' ____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin' ____Honky Tonkin' ____Noodlin' ____Other Name of Son(s): ____Bubba ____Jim Bob ____LeeRoy ____J.D. Name of Daughter(s): ____PammySue ____Violet ____Paulette ____Daisy Weapons Owned: ___CowGirl Boots ___Really Heavy Purse ___MakeUp Case ___Stiletto Heels ___Deer Rifle ___Sawed-Off Shotgun ___Varmint Rifle ___Tire Iron ___Power Chain Saw ___Pick Handle ___Hick'ry Switch Number of Dogs:____ Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle ___Black & Tan ___Bird Dawg Cap Emblem: ___John Deer ___McCullock Chain Saws ___Budweiser ___Vo-Tech ___Skoal ___Coors ___NAPA ___Smile if You're Not Wearing Underwear Number of Dependents: Legal:________ Claimed:_________ Number of Weeks Unemployed: __________ Number of Welfare Checks Received: ____________ Memberships: ___NRA ___PTL Club ___AA ___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion ___United Sons n' Daughters of the Confederacy Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red? ___Yes ___No How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?_______ How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________ Do you own any shoes? ____Yes ____No If yes, how many?__________ What year did you last purchase shoes?_________________ Are you married to any of the following: ____Sister/Brother ____Cousin Do you know her/his name?________________ Does your SO weigh more than your pickup?____________ Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?__________ Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?________________ If so, why?______________________________________________________________ Can you count: Past 10 with your heels on?_________________ Do you know any words that have more than four letters?__________________ Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?__________________________ Medical Information: Do you have at least two of the following: ___BO ___Head Lice ___Rabies ___Trench Mouth ___Runny Nose ___Bad Breath IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN BY THE SOUTH YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE IN THE NORTH. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER. HOWEVER, YOU WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO VISIT PARTS OF THE SOUTH.